A Chibi Chibi Lemon
by Pandora Diane MacMillan
Summary: An embarrassing situation with Chibi Chibi, Seiya, Usagi & a lemon cream pie
1. OR: Usagi's Usual Morning with Seiya and...

  
Readers, if I tell you *anything* about this fanfic, it would spoil things, but let's just say...it's not  
quite what you would expect. If you've read your share of Sailor Moon fanfics, including the  
lemon variety, then you should enjoy this. And that's all I'm going to tell you.  
  
  
Esmerodo  
mailto:esmerodo@zdnetmail.com  
  
[Who now returns to her jasmine-scented pink jacuzzi. Yes, it's another steamy night with Prince  
Diamondo awaiting, and Esmerodo does not intend to disappoint him. /(^_~)\ ]  
  
  
  
A Chibi Chibi Lemon  
  
OR:  
  
Usagi's Usual Morning With Seiya (AND Chibi Chibi)  
  
  
by Esmerodo  
E-mail: esmerodo@zdnetnetmail.com  
  
  
[WARNING: This is in EXTREMELY poor taste and should not be read except by jaded fanfic  
authors and/or experienced fanfic readers ;-) ]  
  
Usagi is sitting at the breakfast table with Seiya and Chibi Chibi. Seiya is looking dreamy eyed at  
Usagi and not paying much attention to Chibi Chibi trying to get HIS attention--yes, she's VERY   
precocious ;p  
  
(But if you've ever seen my one-year-old daughter simpering at young handsome men in  
restaurants, you'll know they are never too young to be flirtatious ;-)  
  
Usagi is EATING and EATING and concentrating solely on that most important of her daily  
activities. How else will she keep up her Eternal Strength?  
  
Chibi Chibi, annoyed that Seiya keeps gazing at Usagi, suddenly picks up a lemon meringue pie  
that was being saved for lunch and mashes it well into Seiya's face. As the cream drips down his  
startled face, she yells out gleefully, "Chibi Chibi!"  
  
Usagi stops with the rice halfway to her mouth and looks at Cream Lemon Seiya. She looks down  
at Chibi Chibi and exclaims in admonition, "Chibi Chibi!"  
  
"Chibi Chibi," the small red haired vixen agrees, with a wicked smile.  
  
Now the cream drips into Seiya's lap and melts, making a very suggestive wet spot on his jeans.   
Usagi becomes bug-eyed and motionless, watching the spot slowly spread while Seiya slowly goes   
crimson. Chibi Chibi, taking advantage of their frozen attitudes, dips lightning-fast toddler fingers  
into the remains of the pie and smears more of it into Seiya's lap--she seems to be finger-painting   
his jeans, or something.  
  
Seiya's crotch area now looks like a creamy yellow mess, and he is slowly turning purple with  
embarrassment.  
  
"Chibi Chibi!" Chibi Chibi crows in delight. She seems to think Seiya looks better this way. Most  
toddlers think one's appearance is distinctly improved by the amount of food smeared on one's  
clothes.  
  
A gargantuan sweatdrop appears on Seiya's head, so large, in fact, that a small waterfall drips onto  
Usagi's table.  
  
Seiya mutters, "Gomen ne, Odango," and quickly rises from the table, and scuttles away in the  
direction of Usagi's bathroom.  
  
We cut away from the scene of Usagi cleaning up, and using off-colour language we have never  
heard her use before in the anime series, and Chibi Chibi trying to smear cream lemon on Usagi,  
and her ducking and weaving to avoid the icky toddler fingers, and find ourselves peeking  
into Seiya's shower.  
  
Unlike the anime, we see EVERYTHING.  
  
[The assembled readers get nosebleeds or sweatdrops, as appropriate to their gender.]  
  
Up until now, it's been a cold shower, which Seiya badly needs at this point in the steamy fanfic.  
But now things literally get steamy, as a shampoo-blinded Seiya reaches for the hot tap by mistake  
and the shower goes hot--and the surprised and agape readers discover that this produces a Ranma  
effect, and now the ones who had nosebleeds are sweatdropping, and vice-versa.  
  
[There, I had a nude scene for EVERYBODY to savour ;p]  
  
Seiya had up to now been singing a very bawdy song about well-endowed females and what he'd  
like to do to them, in tenor voice, but as the shower gets hot, his voice squeaks up to soprano,  
feminine giggles ensue, and "she" starts singing a Backstreet Boys tune instead.  
  
[The assembled readers universally gag, the fanfic having descended to having a Backstreet Boys  
song in it. Well, I warned you this was in EXTREMELY bad taste, didn't I?]  
  
Seiya quickly turns the hot tap off, turns the cold back on, "her" voice lowers, and chokes off the  
Backstreet Boys imitation, much to the relief of the Shower Voyeurs who had to listen to it, and  
begins singing the bawdy song, more loudly this time.  
  
Usagi taps on the bathroom door and calls in, "Seiya, WHAT did you say you wanted to do to me,  
you HENNNNTTTAAAAIII!!"  
  
"Oh, nothing, nothing, Gomen nasai, Odango!" he calls back through the door, sweatdropping,  
and pulling a towel over his lower exposed and well endowed region. Quickly drying himself, he  
comes out of the bathroom and pulls on what he hopes is an innocent, never had any ecchi  
thoughts, no ma'am, not ME look, and pads out into the living room draped in a towel.  
  
At that moment, the doorbell rings, and Usagi runs to answer. It's the Ecchi Inner Senshi, of  
course, hoping to catch Usagi and Seiya in the act.  
  
"Where's Seiya?" Rei hisses, after all the girls bid cheery hellos to Usagi and try to peer around the  
room, surreptitiously looking for Seiya.  
  
Usagi blushes and points. "He's right here...Oh NOOOO, Chibi Chibi!!"  
  
But it's too late. Chibi Chibi has waddled over to the towel-clad Seiya with an intent look on her  
small face, which only means one thing--a toddler about to do something she knows is  
BAAAAAD. While Seiya is clinging to his towel and sweatdropping at the open-mouthed   
girls, Chibi Chibi gets in close and with a triumphant cry of "Chibi Chibi!", grabs and peels off  
Seiya's towel, and runs off with it.  
  
The girls all SQUEAL as they see just how glad that Seiya really was to see all of them.  
  
Usagi, horrified, squeals, "No, Chibi-Chibi!" and runs off in hot pursuit of Chibi Chibi, who is  
already being pursued by a completely nude Seiya. Chibi Chibi thinks this is great fun and  
runs off squealing and giggling. The girls chase after Chibi Chibi too and they form a confused  
running conga line, all trying to catch the little red haired girl.  
  
[I almost had Charlie Brown appear at this point and join the chase, but that was in too much bad  
taste even for me, to have a Little Red Haired Girl pun in this fanfic. Forgive me, minna-san, I  
thought better of that and deleted Charlie Brown from the fic. Promise it won't happen again.   
The ghost of Charles Schultz would have haunted me forever ;p]  
  
Chibi Chibi manages to get the door open and runs off into the street, trailing Seiya's towel like a  
triumphant banner behind her--after all, she's not even 2 years old, and already, a handsome   
completely nude boy is chasing her.  
  
[SICK SICK SICK!! cry the assembled readers. We didn't know you could sink THIS low!!]  
  
Seiya runs after her into the street, causing female screams and numerous traffic accidents, as  
downtown Tokyo traffic completely grinds to a halt, watching the nude man chase the little girl  
with Usagi and the rest of the Inner Senshi chasing after both of them.  
  
Mamoru now appears around a street corner, whistling a cheerful tune, with his books under his  
arm, and stops dead when he sees the tableau before him. A myriad of expressions cross his face,  
as he first of all puts the wrong interpretation on his Usako and the other girls chasing a nude  
Seiya. Shock, horror, jealousy and anger all move across his face in succession.  
  
But then a tiny red streak of lightning, beaming from ear to ear, comes running towards him,  
waving her towel, and yells in greeting, "Chibi Chibi!!"  
  
She barrels into him, almost knocking him over in a fierce hug, like a tiny Usagi.  
  
Mamoru breaks into a relieved, and then mischievous grin, and then deftly snatches the terrycloth  
trophy from Chibi Chibi, and offers it to a scarlet faced Seiya. A second later, with a pleased and   
surprised cry of delight, Usagi has wrapped herself round Mamoru's other side.  
  
"Lucky for you, Seiya, that I know both these girls so well. And even more lucky for you that I'm  
not Yuuchirou!"  
  
Rei now plants herself in Mamoru's face angrily and says, "And what was THAT crack about  
Yuuchirou supposed to mean, hmmmm?"  
  
"Who's Yuuchirou?" asks Seiya in confusion.  
  
Then, a second later, as flash bulbs go off in his face, he cries, "Oh shit--paparazzi! They caught  
the whole thing on camera and videotape!" Seiya runs off in mortification, dropping the towel in  
his confusion and dismay. Mamoru calmly licks it up again.  
  
A pleased Minako proceeds to give a "woman on the street interview" to one of the excited  
reporters, on how it felt to see an Idol Singer running nude down the street.  
  
Rei continues to interrogate Mamoru about him dissing her Yuuchirou. Makoto decides that she  
will make lemon meringue pie from now on, whenever cute boys are in the immediate vicinity--it's  
a ploy she never thought of. Ami sneakily takes the towel from Mamoru, who is busy explaining  
to an excited Usagi that he finished his exams at Harvard early, and flew home to surprise her.   
Ami happily runs off with the towel to stash it in her private Idol collection at home.  
  
Rei starts telling the whole story to Mamoru, while Usagi protests and cries, "Mamo-chan, you  
KNOW I would never cheat on you!"  
  
A photo of Chibi Chibi, waving a towel and grinning devilishly, makes the front page of the  
"Tokyo Enquirer".  
  
  
THE END OF CHIBI CHIBI CREAM LEMON ;p  
  
  
There ya go, a lemon with Chibi Chibi in it. A cream lemon at that.  
Didn't think I had the nerve, did you?  
  
I haven't, actually, but that Esmerodo, she'd do anything ;p  
  
Sayonara!  
  
  
  
Pandora-sama [a.k.a. Esmerodo]  
  
So why am I calling myself Esmerodo? There's no intent to disguise my identity here. I am  
merely using the nom-de-plume "Esmerodo" for any fanfic I write with adult, sexual content in it.   
That way, my younger readers won't be encountering these types of stories by Pandora unless they  
are *looking* for them. That seems to me to be a good compromise.  
  
Now that you've read it, I can tell you how "A Chibi Chibi Lemon" came into existence.  
  
I belong to a small mailing list of Sailor Moon fanfic authors and reader/reviewers. We were  
having a discussion about writing lemons and who you could pair up with whom in terms of  
characters. The guy who wrote started this discussion, a fellow with a very warped sense of  
humour, who goes by the nickname of Lord Chaos, had possibilities for just about anyone, except,  
he said, NOBODY would be sick enough to put Chibi-Chibi into the plot of a lemon.  
  
I was in a mood to tweak him, so I wrote this tongue-in-cheek piece entitled "A Chibi Chibi  
Lemon", just for the shock value, and the look on their faces. I subtitled it "Usagi's Usual Morning  
with Seiya (and Chibi-Chibi)", deliberately naming it after the most notoriously bad taste lemon  
fanfic, that all the Sailor Moon fanfic readers love to loathe.  
  
Hope this gave you as much of a giggle to read as I had writing it.  
  
  
  
Pandora Diane MacMillan (formerly Waldron) a.k.a. Esmerodo  
March 20, 2000  
E-mail: esmerodo@zdnetmail.com  
  



	2. Part II: Car Trouble

  
A Chibi Chibi Lemon II: Car Trouble  
====================================  
  
by Esmerodo  
  
=======================================================================  
[GENTLE READERS: Do not read this until you've read my previous story, "A Chibi Chibi Lemon", otherwise, this story probably won't make much   
sense to you. This is not a sequel, however, because the action in this fanfic, and in that story are all taking place at the same time--and episode. This fanfic, and the plot of its predecessor, "A ChiBi Chibi Lemon", are loosely based on Sailor Stars Episode # 184: Futarikiri no Yoru! Usagi no Pinch [Just the Two at Night! Usagi's Pinch /(^_~)\ ]  
=======================================================================  
  
SCENE: Outside Usagi's house. Haruka is sitting at the wheel of her   
sportscar, Michiru sitting next to her.  
  
Michiru looks over at Haruka, with an expression of ever-so-faint   
disbelief on her calm, composed face. "So...still haven't found the   
source of the trouble? Wanna try starting the engine again?"  
  
Haruka, staring yearningly at Usagi's house, her face distracted,   
does not reply for a moment, then coming to herself with a jerk,   
clears her throat and answers, "Errrr...no, I think I need to let   
the engine cool a while before trying it again. Ummmm...it's getting   
cold out, isn't it?"  
  
Michiru, that shrewd expression of disbelief still on her face,   
proffers a thermos. "Here, have some coffee. Not that I think you   
need any heating up, my dear."  
  
"And what's THAT supposed to mean?" Haruka flares indignantly.  
  
Michiru's lips curl with faint amusement. "Well, let's see. You   
love that car more than you love ME. It's your baby, isn't it? But   
tonight, all of a sudden, on the very night we hear that the VERY   
Pretty Soldier Sailor is ALL ALONE ALL NIGHT in her house, you   
mysteriously experience engine trouble, and the car breaks down,   
RIGHT OUTSIDE USAGI'S HOUSE. What a coincidence, ne? I am much   
better at tuning violins than tuning engines, but you know what I   
think? I think your car has Odango trouble!"  
  
For a moment, Haruka's face is frozen in a mixture of embarrassment   
and guilt, and she can't seem to find a word to say. Then, she tosses   
her head airily, "Hmmmph. That's just your suspicious mind talking,   
Michiru. My sole concern is for the welfare and safety of our   
Princess and our Galaxy and our mission to protect them, as always.   
OF COURSE, I'm concerned about our Princess being all alone! What   
would be more natural?"  
  
[Besides, Haruka thought to herself, if the Enemy DOES decide to attack our Princess tonight, that Sailor Aluminum Siren is REALLY hot! Could I give HER some World Shaking!]  
  
Suddenly, there is a distinctively Usagi-like screech from inside the   
house. "Chibi Chibi!!"  
  
Haruka points towards the house. "There! What did I tell you?   
She's in trouble!"  
  
"Sure she is," Michiru replies sarcastically. "In trouble from the   
toddler terror, Chibi Chibi! Isn't it time you and I walked away, as   
we usually do, unless our Princess is at death's door? Uranus and   
Neptune are WAY too important Senshi to bother with anything short of   
Armegeddon, ne? Didn't we agree on that?"  
  
"Welll....." Haruka sighes reluctantly. "I COULD just have a quiet   
peek and make sure all is well...."  
  
"A quiet peek, huh?" The fish-eyed sideways glance Michiru gives   
Haruka, shows how much she thinks of this idea.  
  
At that moment, a masculine voice cries out, "Gomen nasai, Odango!"  
  
Haruka's eyes blaze. "DAMN and DAMN and DAMN and DAMN! Seiya's   
there."  
  
Michiru pats Haruka's arm soothingly. "Never mind. Better luck next   
time. If you keep getting car breakdowns EVERY night, I'm sure one   
night, you'll catch her alone."  
  
"If you think I'm leaving her alone with the likes of that--that---  
Seiya, you have another think coming! I don't trust him as far as I   
could throw him! And oh, would I like an excuse to throw him!"   
Haruka stalks off towards Usagi's back window, hiding behind the   
bushes to get a, well, a quiet peek.  
  
Michiru shrugs, smiles indulgently, and follows Haruka in her Spying   
Mission. After a few moments, Michiru whispers to Haruka, "Really,   
my dear, don't you think it a little beneath us to gaze into Usagi's   
shower stall?"  
  
There's a cry from inside the bathroom, a hand fumbles blindly for   
the faucet, then the shower curtain parts as the person inside   
stumbles around.  
  
"Oh....my....God!" Haruka's eyes are bulging out. "Seiya! Seiya's   
a....GIRL!"  
  
Michiru pats her arm again. "Now dear, don't get TOO excited.   
Frankly, I don't think Seiya's Backstreet Boys rendition in female   
voice is much improvement on that saccharine pop nightmare of his, I   
mean, hers, 'Search For Your Love.' If music be your food of love,   
Haruka, I could always do my violin concerto strip tease for you at   
home, you know. In any case, I don't know why you're so surprised   
about Seiya. Haruka, you, of all people, should know that clothes   
don't make the man!"  
  
Michiru begins tugging on Haruka's arm, but she is rooted to the   
spot, drinking in the sight.  
  
At that moment, Seiya reaches for the shower faucet, adjusts the   
temperature...and his body is all man, again. "Oh, DAMN and DAMN and   
DAMN and DAMN!!" Haruka sputters. She does not listen to Seiya's   
bawdy song about young girls and what he'd like to do to them. She   
looks utterly crestfallen, and turns away from the window.  
  
Michiru tugs her arm again. "Come on, let's go home."  
  
Haruka looks at her appealingly. "Can't we hang out on a tree branch   
for a while?"  
  
"Whatever turns you on, dear. I know you love playing voyeur in the   
treetops. Anything to keep you happy. Come on then, up we go!" The   
two transform to Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune, and vault high   
into a conveniently located tree, across the street from Usagi's   
house.  
  
After a few moments, the Ecchi Inner Senshi show up at Usagi's door.   
Haruka pokes Michiru in the ribs. "See? I'm not the only one who   
thinks we should check up on Usagi! Wait a minute...you don't think   
that they...that they...have the hots for Odango too?" She looks at   
Michiru in shock.  
  
Michiru shakes her head vehemently. "What *I* think is that you've   
read WAY too many lemons, if you think those girls have the hots for   
Usagi." Uranus turns a guilty bright red.  
  
The girls go inside the house. The suspense is killing Haruka, who   
can't get a good view from her tree branch.  
  
But all too soon, Chibi Chibi comes running out of the house, waving   
aloft a bath towel, followed by a completely naked Seiya, followed by   
a determined Usagi, followed by Rei, Minako, Makoto and Ami, bringing   
up the rear as usual, pretending she's not all that interested in   
Seiya's full frontal and rear views.  
  
"Well, I never!" Haruka sputters. "Didn't I always say, those Inner   
Senshi are far more interested in chasing men than in following their   
True Mission!"  
  
"What's truly pathetic," responds a contemptuous Michiru, "is that they're all chasing after the same man! But that just goes to show, that they aren't in a class with we Outer Senshi at all! They simply aren't worthy!"  
  
"But never mind," Michiru continued, looking oddly pleased about the turn of events. "Let's go home, strolling ever so elegantly, as we do   
so well. Leave the car here. And on the way home, you can decide   
what my personal performance for you will be. It's your turn to   
choose the lingerie!" Michiru smiles triumphantly, as a certain   
gleam appears in Haruka's eyes.  
  
"I get to pick the lingerie? What are we waiting for!"  
  
[EXIT Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune, striding most elegantly into   
the sunset.]  
  
  
THE END.  
  
==============((===============================((@  
  
This has been another twist of lemon from my twisted alter-ego,   
Esmerodo. Who knows when her Strange Muse will appear again? I know   
you weren't expecting this little bon-bon under your Christmas Tree,   
but here it is!  
  
I wish you all, a Steamy Christmas and an Anime-Filled 2001!  
  
Sayonara!  
  
  
  
Pandora-sama ~~~~((~~~((@ December 20, 2000  
========================((===========================((@  
Pandora Diane MacMillan of Crystal Toronto, Canada  
ICQ: 3471229 Mamoru's Official Biographer /(^_~)\  
See my Sailor Moon fan fiction at:   
http://webhome.idirect.com/~pandora1sama   
@))========================))===========================  



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